Lamenting Haruhi, Chapter 2

Chapter 2:


Too hot, too cold, lumpy pillow, noisy street.. there was always something stopping Haruhi from catching her precious hours sleep these days. It had started only afew days previously.
~afew days previously ~
Tamaki sat humming mindlessly to himself in that endlessly cheerful way of his, flicking through Haruhis mostly empty day planner, wasting the hours away idly for the time when the other members of the host club would leave the content couple to their own devices. 'hey Haruhi, ' a grin, as always, in his voice Tamaki called across the small squat table, 'did you know we only have 2 weeks! i cant believe, we can be home in just 2 weeks! isnt this great!' Haruhi looked up, wide eyes pulled from some other train of thought, apparently a happier one, although her face only dropped for a moment, she hoped he had not seen. soon she had her cool façade in place once more, looking back at Tamaki 'Oh woah that's great, i cant wait to see my dad again' inside though Haruhis thoughts proceeded to get jumbled and messy, a dark hazy covering them like a mould, and that was when the sleepless nights set in..
~
It wasn't often that Tamaki and Haruhi shared a bed, and infact, there had been no physical.. acts of love since the couples first lapse in control around a month ago, they both had agreed, it was something they needed to wait for, and secretly, although he never told Haruhi this, Tamaki wanted to maintain her purity and innocence until her wedding day, as far as that was possible anyway.. but occasionally the couple liked to lay together, spend time basking in new love, never fading, still as strong and innocent as their first kiss. but this was not a fact that bothered Haruhi, she was content with the way things were between the couple, almost ... to comfortable, and that indeed seemed to be part of the problem...

Haruhi rolled out of bed silently, feeling the peculiar sting in her nose she felt while attempting to hold back sobs, she walked to the large open plan livingroom/kitchen and slumped against the cool window, feeling the tears threatening at her eye lids, her arms felt weak as they crushed against her sides, something she had so often done as a child, trying to hold herself together, when the pain of her mother being gone simply over took. this time however her pain was not over her mother, she wasn't quite sure infact, where this deep seething pain had originated. it seemed like a seed, planted the day that Tamakis cheerful reminder brought her down to earth, the seed had started sprouting, and was growing now, and all consuming weed that tangled in her thoughts and wreaked havoc with her emotions. But then it was too hard to remember anymore, the tears erupted along with a wild strangled sound that sounded like a wounded animal. the tears rolled down, replaced by bigger and bigger ones, running like a ocean down her face, she was aware of her noes, also running, she thought briefly how much she must look like a child crying over a lost toy, or beloved possession, she was indeed crying the way only a child could over something so trivial.

The images swirled around in her mind, a tornado come to rip apart every joyful, peaceful, happy memory. the only image she could associate with the word 'home' was lonliness, she knew it was true now, her fears had become confirmed, her attachment to the eccentric blonde boy sleeping in her bed had overtaken her, she had allowed herself to rely on another, a mistake she had made sure never to repeat after her mothers death. she cursed herself to hell, knowing that attachment could never end with happiness, someone always has to be left behind.
living within such a small distance of Tamaki had, unknowingly to her, changed haruhi, she had become accustomed to his fimilar touch, the presence of someone to help her, hold her hand, and share her joy. the thought of joining her father, spending the majority of her time alone. alone again, she couldn't cope with the thought. and then another wave crashed down on her sandcastle sanity, Tamaki was going to be moving up to university.. even less hours would be spent with her most precious of possessions.

'H-haruhi?' the scared voice of a little boy, small and bewildered came from behind her, she did not turn, knowing the pain would flare, and set a new flood to wash over her cheeks and burn her eyes red raw. and then the long limbs came crushing down on her, replacing her arm with his, Tamaki squeezed, squeezing the hurt and the pain way. 'what did i do? what's wrong?' his voice was gentle but demanding in her ear, muffled by the hazy sound that blocked the world out, of course he would blame himself, typical Tamaki, shouldering the blame. Haruhi didn't trust her words, instead she shook her head and turned around, grabbing all of him that she could reach she smothered herself in his shirt (ruining what was a very expensive garment with her tears and snot). and with the feeling of someone close, someone to comfort her, that she was still so unused to, Haruhis emotions overflowed once more, sobs racking out of her chest and drowning out Tamakis soft words and pleads.
'don't leave me! 'don't leave me!' after afew moments Haruhi noticed the words that she had been repeating unintelligibly into the fold of Tamakis shirt. 'please, i don't want to be alone! its been so nice! you and me!' Tamaki crushed her tighter towards him, as if to fuse the two bodies, to become one and never to part. He lifted her easily, cradling her over to the soft confines of his bed this time, they lay together, the smell of Tamaki comforted Haruhi and soon the mix of confusing emotion and the painful sobs dragged her into a deep restful sleep. 'i will never leave your side.'
somewhere along the way Sleeps safe comforting arms embraced Haruhi, drifting her only on softly swelling waves of peace.

The sleep dripped away slowly, like ice melting, eventually defrosted Haruhis heavy eye lids and they slid open. the light came through the wide window in a way that suggested it was early afternoon, the bright light fell onto the pale blonde locks of hair splayed against the pillow beside her, two large indigo eyes looked into her own, in a way that made her feel like he was seeing her soul, and in there, something very beautiful but utterly terrifying. 'morning my love.. well more like afternoon' Tamakis voice was sombre but still calming and loving, 'i have something we need to talk about later... just so that you know' the atmosphere he was emanating was unusual, sensible, decided and serious, it scared Haruhi just a little to see these in him. she nodded, sensing that her voice would he husky and sore from her crying jag.

Haruhi felt like, a shadow, a husk of a girl, she drifted around aimlessly, feeding herself the breakfast Tamaki had prepared, unblinking, wide vacant eyes. Tamaki fetched some clothes from her apartment and left her in his room to get changed privately, however had had to enter half an hour later when his gnawing worry conjured images of an open window and a body below, although he knew whatever Haruhi was going through wasn't that bad, his over riding sense to protect her made him jumpy and he over dramatised the situation. He opened the door to reveal Haruhi, sitting exactly when he had placed her, eyes still wide and vacant falling on the corner of the room. Perhaps this was worse that he had expected... he resorted to slowly undressing her himself, she was weak and lifeless, he fumbled around in his brain for a solution and thought that perhaps a calming bath may help, however in her current condition he felt sure she would slump in the water and drown without a thought of self preservation. For once the thought of her naked body didn't leave Tamaki shivering and red, he had only Haruhis welfare in mind. 'Haruhi? were going to take a bath ok?' he undressed them both fully, pouring the water to a comfortable temperature, he pulled Haruhi into his arms easily, she seemed skinnier than usual somehow, and and he lay down in the warm water, he placed her between his legs, and used a jug to slowly wash her body, trying to melt away the ice that had captured her limbs. after a while he was content in just laying in the water, he wasn't sure what to wait for, he was hoping that the bath may snap her out of what ever trance she had fallen into, anything was better than this Haruhi. Crying was better than this! any indication that she was still... in there. they lay together, Tamaki softly kissing Haruhis wet hair, so soft, gently, like an delicate petal between his fingers.

After Tamaki had dried and dressed her, he placed her on the large sofa, Antoinette unusually quiet by her side. 'Haruhi, i want to have a talk with you, and i realise this might not be the best time to do it and everything, but its been.. bugging me for a while now.. and i really.. i think i just really need to do this, so if you would just listen for a moment.' a quick nod. Tamaki almost exploded with happiness, alright, a nod. this was a start, his precious Haruhi was still in there. 'i want you to know that i love you, more than anything else that has ever graced this earth, and im sure in my mind and in my heart that you are the only one that could make me so content with life, even when it seems messed up, usually i ignore it, but i realise now, i realise you can't ignore what's important, and you by my side' he grasped her head in his hands' this person i hold before me, is the reason i can find the strength to hold my head high, and fight the battles that matter, and become stronger because of it, you are the blood in my veins Haruhi, you are the sun that wakes me up, You Haruhi are the reason for my existence, i am so sure of this fact, i would sing it from the roof, call every one in Japan just to tell them.' He was beaming at the truth of the word that spilled from his lips. 'and because i know that there is nothing in this world that makes me happier than your smile i am sure, my objective in life is to make you the happiest woman in the world, this means i want to grace you with everything you deserve, everything you need and everything you want. I don't know how but somehow i have granted the best luck imaginable and it seems that i am what you want.' Tamakis eyes bored into Haruhis, burning the words into her memory, willing her to realise the truth before her. 'at first i was excited to go home, i thought that perhaps with all of the people who love you around you, your dad included you might be happier, but then i realised that.. this' he motioned around him and then clutched at Haruhis baggy shirt 'this had made me so happy, being with you, you are a constant inspiration, comfort and excitement in my life, and the thought of going back, living separately, knocks the soul out of me, you like a drug Haruhi and im sure i could not live without you even for a second, no matter how much rehab i had.' his smile was bright and soaked in an intense love. his had reached behind him slowly, and for the first time Haruhis eyes sparked to life, her head jerking slowly up to see what was happening, from his back pocket Tamaki had retrieved a small turquoise box. he held it up, making sure her eyes were focused before slowly opening the box. he revealed the refined yet not overly extravagant engagement ring. he captured her eyes with his, unblinking, refusing to release her attention 'Fujioka Haruhi, would you do me the immense Honour of becoming my wife?'

Suddenly Haruhi was there...all there, Her eyes as wide as the mood, a wild gasp tearing the stale quietness. the only thing that would register in her brain as words fell out limply, '....but im still in high school?' she said this as a question, like she was fishing for any excuse that she shouldn't want this to happen. ' it doesn't have to happen right away, but i want the promise, i want you to know, that there is a future, that im in this as much as it is possible to be.' suddenly Haruhi was on her feet, she ran from the room, shouting behind her 'can i have a moment please?'

She ran to the window in her room, it was cold and she smashed her over heated body against it, the flames under her skin burned wildly, he breathes were rushing out as a quick succession of gasps. she remained for some time, and then as quickly as panic had struck in, her face shattered and remoulded into a wide grin, reminiscent of hunny-sempis omnipresent expression. she walked back silently, she found Tamaki sitting in a chair, pulled close to the window, he was looking out, a somewhat confused look across his face. Haruhis voice broke the silence, 'Yes Tamaki, i will be your..wife' the word came out shakily as she tried the title on. it seemed odd, but she thought she would be able to grow into it. Tamaki jumped up at the voice behind him, he hadn't even realised her enter the room, but as her words sunk into him, like butter on a warm bun, his face melted into the most elated expression Haruhi felt possible.

Tamaki was upon her crushing her in a sumo strength hug, and kissing her everywhere he could reach, talking animatedly about who they should tell first, and how Haruhi shouldn't worry herself, as Tamaki had asked her Fathers approval, and that they should hold their wedding in the spring time while the blossom was blooming, and any random related fact that popped into his mind. Haruhi melted into him, she was content, happy, radiating it like a mist. But then Tamaki was calm, he bent down, on his nee, opening the small box once more and slipped the delicate Engagement ring around his fiancées finger. It was so... Haruhi, it fitted her finger and her personality. small and understated.

But suddenly Haruhi was across the room, standing bent over with one hand across her mouth and the other across her stomach. Tamaki looked on with surprise, quickly melting into fear, 'Haruhi what did i do!? did i hurt you?!' Haruhi darted to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet bowl retching loudly. At that moment there was a loud tap at the door, 'One second' Tamakis voice was strained and torn, should he go get help from the others or be at the aid for Haruhi. soon the decision was made for him, and the main door swung open, to reveal Mori, Hikaru and Kaoru standing with arms crossed and shoes tapping (well in fact that was just the twins, Mori waited patiently behind them.)

after a few moments the visitors realised the situation they had walked into, Mori ran to the bathroom, taking the role of carer from Tamaki who was aimlessly wandering around bewildered and frighted. Mori held Haruhis hair away from her face, and patted her back gently, The twins took charge, closing the bathroom door, and pulling Tamaki down between them on the sofa. 'what's going on?'asked Kaoru innocently 'did you cook for her?' Hikaru joked jabbing the king in the ribs.

~
An hour later Haruhi woke up groggy and ....well hungry. she removed her face from the sweaty bed sheets, peeling herself away. she found herself in one of Tamakis large T-shirts. she yawned, pulling the fabric around her so that the sweet smell of him drifted around her, she smiled, she felt ever so peaceful, for the first time in what felt that months. she looked up, finding her, fiancée, (she tested the word in her mind, and felt it fitted) sprawled in a chair close to the bed watching her intently. 'you know im sure you could have been doing more productive things than watching me sleep sempi' Her stomach rummbled and reminded her of her hunger, a strange kind of hunger, the kind of hunger that can only be satisfied by a particular food. 'im so hungry.. i really feel like leeks.' she mumbled into folds of the shirt she was now scrunching around her noes. 'But you hate leeks! and i cant cook for you, ill only make you sick again.' His voice was downcast, but Haruhi could tell his cheerful ways were just a cuddle away. she jumped off the bed, running and then jumping into his open arms, she felt like a child there, she was so small with his long limbs around her.
she hugged him with every ounce of strength she could muster, and as the shirt rode up she realised indeed a shirt was all she was wearing, as did tamaki who quickly blushed and pulled the corners of the shirt back around her, scrunching up his eyes and reminding himself that they were to wait.
'i mean it Tamaki, its weird like i HAVE to have them, i know i hate leeks but i think i should just try them again, once more, i feel up to it.' she kissed his noes quickly 'fine' he melted into her arms and grinned. how lucky could one man get.
~ One week Later ~
'Haruhi? are you sure we shouldn't visit the doctors? you have been sick for a long time now!' Tamakis pleads fell gently on the close bathroom door. on the other side the tap was running, Haruhi splashed her face in the cool stream and breathed deeply. 'no Tamaki, im really quite sure, its only in the evenings anyway.. ill be fine again in the morning, and they will just accuse me of wasting their time. how many times do i need to go through this. and anyway, we need to pack! do you realise that we have 3 days!' She sighed, already feeling the nausea pass, as quickly as it had set in.
'i need to pack up my room, want to help' She Opened the door and looked into Tamakis eyes happily, taking his hand and ordering him to grab some flat boxes.

Half an hour later the room was bare, lifeless, no sign that it had once been inhabitated by... anyone. cautious not to leave anything behind , as a last precaution Haruhi pulled the furniture away from the walls to investigate the objects that were presumably not loved enough to have been remembered previously. she groped around and felt the smooth surface of a book of some sort, and then the memory hit her, it had been when Tamaki had reminded her of their looming departure, she ran from the room, clutching the planner to her chest, anger pouring out in ever strangled breath, she ran to her bed, faceplanting, smashing her face into the covers violently, her desperate screams muffled and she flung the planner carelessly across the room where it hit the wall and slid down.. somewhere, Haruhi hadn't cared. she hadn't wanted to see the teasing reminder.

she grabbed it sliding it easily from beneath the squat cupboard, and flicked it open idly. flipping through the most recent dates. after a moment her brow furrowed, something in the pages had caught her attention and she continued to flip through the same 4 weeks or so, Tamaki looked on in quiet contemplation, wondering what would be perplexing the small girl before him so much. after afew minutes he broke the static silence, 'what up' he said cheerfully bumping her shoulder with his fist. '....crap...crap oh crap oh crapping CRAP!' she looked down at the pages from the previous week, a capital P in a circle was at the top of the page. Haruhi had never been late a day in her life. not even in the beginning, she looked down, the book limp in her arms, visible to Tamaki, he saw the mark and then looked to Haruhi again '..what..i don't get it?' She looked at him for a moment, as amused as she could be in her current state of gut wrenching horror. 'think... think biology?' She could see the cogs turning slowly in his mind and eventually it snapped 'oh!...oh....' suddenly his was was plastered with a matching face of horror.

The couple walked hand in hand down the quiet street towards the closest drug store. no words i the air between them, or even on their lips.
Tamaki pushed on the heavy door and stood inside waiting for Haruhi. she followed in, a look on her face reminiscent of the previous week. they found the tests easily enough, Haruhi picked up the cheapest one and walked towards the till where she plopped the small box down. next to it afew moments later came Tamaki, in his hand a basket full of every test on offer, Haruhi rolled her eyes but secretly agreed with his intentions.